Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close was bad enough. A young boy rushing around NYC hoping to be able to find a lasting connection to his father (Tom Hanks) who was killed in 9/11. It was moving and I loved that little boy.
However, the real tear-jerker in this household was Like Crazy. A movie about a young couple trying to survive a long distance relationship. Drew and I both must have known what was coming because without even speaking about it, before either of us sat down we took out our contacts and put on our glasses. Bring on the waterworks.
Drew and I have been married for one year after having a long distance relationship for 4 years (give or take a 3 month hiatus) and with no plans to ever do long distance again. But still I found myself moving from the opposite end of the couch to almost in his lap just to assure he wouldn't leave me again. My husband, the man I have seen cry twice and never at a movie, cried before me in this film.
I will not compare a 3 hour distance in which Drew and I saw each other at least twice a month to different continents and time zones with 6 month separations. But the bones of long distance are always the same. The constant "starting" and "stopping." The awkward silences the day you have to leave each other. The never ending "reading into" things the other person says, the paranoia. Something about not being with a person consistently, it starts to play with your mind. And inevitably, it happens. Someone else comes along, maybe just for a little while but it never fails. Then there's the really not pretty thought in the back of your mind....if we were together all of the time would we get tired of each other? All of these things on top of just trying to function in your everyday life take a serious toll. And even watching them in the movie I felt that same anxiety for an hour and a half.
And of course after the movie, Drew is angry. If he's going to watch one of "my" movies he prefers a lighthearted chick flick like You've Got Mail. Anything that gets too close to real life is not enjoyable for him. While I love to spend an afternoon watching Father of the Bride I like a movie that can pull me back to a time in my life, even if it was a really shitty time. Drew did, however, quote Fair and Tender Ladies to me after it was over (which makes me fall in love with him all over again)."Don't forget, even when remembering brings pain."
So for those of you who have done long distance I encourage you to watch it. It will hurt, you will feel all of those crappy things all over again. But you're not supposed to forget them. Drew and I are as strong as we are because we went through all of those things. Marriage has been a piece of cake compared to that but I never want to forget what our story is. It's not pretty, in fact it's depressing but it's still our story. And I'm happy to be in it with that man with the thick glasses who sat beside me trying to hide his tears last night.
Memories are painful especiaaly when they conjure up things you dont want to remember. We just have to use those memories to make us stronger. Love this post. Last night I gave my testimony at Celebrate Recovery where Danny and I have been going for over a year now...and yes those memories were painful but I know that my memories of the past and sharing them will help someone else. When life deals us lemons we just need to set up a leonade stand. Our lives are like the butterfly, before it becomes beautiful it has to go through the struggle of being in the cocoon and its in the struggle that it becomes stronger but if someone tried to help it out of the cocoon it would only be weak and not able to survive.In the struggles we go through alone we become stronger and immurge as a beautiful butterfly. Love and miss you and Aidan does too
ReplyDeleteThis post struck a chord with me and you definitely hit all of the long distance relationship emotions dead on. Reid and I had a long distance relationship for a year at the very beginning of our relationship and we're doing it again thanks to the Navy and I can honestly say that this time is no easier than the last. We both still have all of the same fears and anxieties, but we also have the same excitement about finally seeing each other again - although this time it will be after 9 months, not 2 weeks. Thank you for sharing your story and making it known that although every relationship require "work," a long distance relationship requires extra care and is something that should not be taken lightly or looked down on by those who don't understand it.
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