Shades of Gray

Do not fear. I have not read nor do I intend to blog about the pornography that is 50 Shades. The Gray (or is it grey?) that I'm referring to is where things in my life are.

It has become increasingly apparent that life is not black and white. There isn't always a clear right and wrong. And for so long my mind took comfort in thinking that I had such a good handle on the concept of "right." Our world is so screwed up. Our system is failing somehow. And direct blame cannot be placed on any individual who has held office. It's just a fact and no one is fixing it.

Drew and I worked at the Food Pantry tonight and people are hungry. HUNGRY. Do you understand that word? There are people in our world, in our country and in our towns who are not getting enough to eat! My narrow mind cannot comprehend what this means and how deep this goes.

How selfish do I look when I complain about going 4 days without hot water this week? Shame on me for ever complaining about ANYTHING!

I don't know why this is coming out of me tonight. Maybe it's the food pantry but I don't think that can be all of it. I don't know what's right anymore. What is the right choice for our country? I don't have that answer and frankly neither do either of the candidates I saw on TV Wednesday night.

How did we get here? How did our world (not our nation I'm so sick of the America shit I could puke) get to this point? Are we not called to be better than this? Whether you believe in God or not you, we have a calling as the human race to be better than we have been.

I don't have a solution I just know so much is screwed up. I hear it in my education classes, I hear it on the news, I'm reading it in articles about Appalachia. We took a wrong turn somewhere and I believe that turn was inward. A turn towards ourselves and what we require. If I sit and think on my selfishness it is disgusting.

Sorry for the negativity but I just felt that I needed a post that wasn't an update of the rainbows and butterflies of my life. The real Meghan is living in a shade of grey (gray?) not knowing right from wrong. Struggling with a lot. Struggling with God. Struggling with coal. Struggling with education. Struggling with myself.