Holiday Hurts

"There are a thousand ways you can suffer brave.

An no one knows.

No one knows that like Habakkuk, your heart quakes a bit inside. At how headlines hit too close, how in a blink on an ordinary day, it could be one you love who is bloodied by the senseless violence, busted in a crash, begging prayers for life, getting chemo pumped through the veins. We all lose every single person we love. There is never another way. Think about tat too long and you find it hard to breathe.......

Olives fail. People fail. Dreams fail. You feel like you fail. A thousand things mount. Some days it's hard not to panic. You can feel it- we are driven by fear of failure. For all our frenzied running around, could it be that we are actually fleeing-trying to escape all the fears? All this pain? All this failure?

We all live these lives of quiet terror. Of soundless, hidden grief. You could just bow your head in the quiet and weep for all that isn't. For all that you aren't.

In the barrenness of winter, Habakkuk offers this gift to always carry close: rejoicing in the Lord happens while we still struggle in the now."


-Ann Voskamp, The Greatest Gift

This is my first year doing advent. That is evidenced by the fact that I'm unsure which verb to place in front of advent. Doing? Practicing? Partaking in? Or is advent the verb? I guess it probably is. The waiting and the rejoicing of the arrival.

Selfishly I've had a bit of a rough few weeks but things like test scores and teenagers being insensitive aren't what matters when there are real hurts in real lives.

Loss. Distance. Disappointment. Disapproval. Hatefulness. Depression. Arguing. Needing. Hurting. Injustice.

I love Christmas more than anything but if I focus on the wrong things I can get sad quickly. If I focus on anything other than the true gift and the waiting and watching for the Thrill of Hope I want to wallow in the ugliness of the world. The grandparents who are no longer here to share in the festivities. The fear of who may not be with us next Christmas. The marking of time. Another year, gone.

 Usually I make it through Christmas and to New Year's Eve before becoming incredibly sad and down. I truly hate New Years. Always.

Advent has brought me so much peace in the midst of a lot of ugliness in the world this holiday season. Between stress personally, and the worrying about the truly difficult situations of loss and lonesomeness of close friends and family I must remind myself to cling to Emmanuel.

So many people are struggling and the long nights of winter seem to make it harder. But we are reminded in this time of loss, hurting and failure that the King is coming. Yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Rejoice.