On Childbearing

I'm sitting here listening to the Serial podcast (I'm way behind so no spoilies) drinking tea and letting my dogs in and out (in and out, in and out). Dolly thinks it's a game. We've been lucky enough to start this week with a couple of snow days and I'm selfishly hoping for another one tomorrow.


(If you'd like to skip over my ramblings there's a 5 point summary at the bottom of the page).

 

 

 

Sunday night we babysat for some of our friends to enjoy their Valentine's Day. We built forts, made Valentines, made kid  food: chicken nuggets, French fries, and mac & cheese (which is not all the different from how we  normally eat), painted, and pretended the dogs were grizzly bears.

 

 

 

It is always fun to watch Drew with kiddos because he gets to be his silliest self. Between the kids we have babysat occasionally here and my niece I get to imagine what Drew would be like as a dad. Listening to he and Parker belting out "Let it Go" upstairs the other night filled my heart with joy. He is so in tune with the kiddos needs and jumps on to me when I put too many parameters on their creativity i.e. when I say things like "No, do it like this" (if you know my mother then you know I can't help but say things like that). I know he would be the most loving, creative, involved dad. I would never have to worry about the dreaded "daddy issues" with our future kids. There's only one hiccup...

 

 

Neither of us wants kids of our own. And to make matters worse my students have taken it on as their personal goal to ensure that I procreate. The teenagers with whom I spend my waking hours cannot fathom the fact that I don't want children. I'm not sure if they take it personally (like I don't want kids because I'm afraid they'll turn out like my students) or if it is just the cultural expectation: you get married and you have kids. That's what people do. Especially people my age (as one student lovingly pointed out the other day, I'm not getting any younger). They've gone so far as to begin a twitter campaign that goes something like this: "If this gets 10 retweets Mrs. Moore-Hubbard will have a baby." The rumors I heard brought the final number of retweets in at 14 which to them meant victory and they are still awaiting my pregnancy announcement.

 

I understand the students and I appreciate where they are coming from. They say that they think I would make a good mom and why don't I want a precious newborn baby. I get it, most days. What I don't get are grown people who can't seem to support our decision. One of my favorite grad school professors was the first person I heard use the phrase "childless by choice." I've since co-opted it as my own. My other mantra that I wish would catch on among adults I shamelessly stole from Amy Poehler:

 

"Good for her, not for me."

 

 

 

 

My life is full and I wish more people could be supportive/understanding of it. I stopped counting the women who said "Just wait, I was the same way. You'll change your  mind." or "I never truly knew what life meant until I had children." What if I said the reverse, what kind of reaction would I get. "Just wait until you have that baby, you'll wish you hadn't. Believe me." That's not okay. Even I know that.

 

The misconception that I hate most is that because we don't want children we must hate children. Or have no idea what to do with them. Humble brag: we would be kickass parents. We love spending time with kids but we also love sending those same kids home to their parents at some point.

 

My sister is pregnant and my other "sister" just had her second child. I am over the moon in love with all of the kids in my life. I can never get enough of them and hate that I miss so much living 3 hours away. But I would do anything I could for them. There are so many kids to love in my life that I don't feel as though I'm missing anything.

 

I worried for years that my mom would never be okay with this choice (and since I require her "okay" for a lot of things it took her saying she was okay with it before I was really okay with it). But the other part that made me sad was that I knew what amazing grandparents my parents would be.  They were MADE to grandparent. Thank God my sister saw that and is going to make them the happiest people in the world come July.

 

Okay here are the highlights if you're confused by my ramblings:

 

1. "Good for her, not for me." let that be your motto for EVERYTHING
2. I love kids.
3. I will babysit your kid.
4. Stop telling me to have kids.
5. Pray for another snow day tomorrow.