On Childbearing

I'm sitting here listening to the Serial podcast (I'm way behind so no spoilies) drinking tea and letting my dogs in and out (in and out, in and out). Dolly thinks it's a game. We've been lucky enough to start this week with a couple of snow days and I'm selfishly hoping for another one tomorrow.


(If you'd like to skip over my ramblings there's a 5 point summary at the bottom of the page).

 

 

 

Sunday night we babysat for some of our friends to enjoy their Valentine's Day. We built forts, made Valentines, made kid  food: chicken nuggets, French fries, and mac & cheese (which is not all the different from how we  normally eat), painted, and pretended the dogs were grizzly bears.

 

 

 

It is always fun to watch Drew with kiddos because he gets to be his silliest self. Between the kids we have babysat occasionally here and my niece I get to imagine what Drew would be like as a dad. Listening to he and Parker belting out "Let it Go" upstairs the other night filled my heart with joy. He is so in tune with the kiddos needs and jumps on to me when I put too many parameters on their creativity i.e. when I say things like "No, do it like this" (if you know my mother then you know I can't help but say things like that). I know he would be the most loving, creative, involved dad. I would never have to worry about the dreaded "daddy issues" with our future kids. There's only one hiccup...

 

 

Neither of us wants kids of our own. And to make matters worse my students have taken it on as their personal goal to ensure that I procreate. The teenagers with whom I spend my waking hours cannot fathom the fact that I don't want children. I'm not sure if they take it personally (like I don't want kids because I'm afraid they'll turn out like my students) or if it is just the cultural expectation: you get married and you have kids. That's what people do. Especially people my age (as one student lovingly pointed out the other day, I'm not getting any younger). They've gone so far as to begin a twitter campaign that goes something like this: "If this gets 10 retweets Mrs. Moore-Hubbard will have a baby." The rumors I heard brought the final number of retweets in at 14 which to them meant victory and they are still awaiting my pregnancy announcement.

 

I understand the students and I appreciate where they are coming from. They say that they think I would make a good mom and why don't I want a precious newborn baby. I get it, most days. What I don't get are grown people who can't seem to support our decision. One of my favorite grad school professors was the first person I heard use the phrase "childless by choice." I've since co-opted it as my own. My other mantra that I wish would catch on among adults I shamelessly stole from Amy Poehler:

 

"Good for her, not for me."

 

 

 

 

My life is full and I wish more people could be supportive/understanding of it. I stopped counting the women who said "Just wait, I was the same way. You'll change your  mind." or "I never truly knew what life meant until I had children." What if I said the reverse, what kind of reaction would I get. "Just wait until you have that baby, you'll wish you hadn't. Believe me." That's not okay. Even I know that.

 

The misconception that I hate most is that because we don't want children we must hate children. Or have no idea what to do with them. Humble brag: we would be kickass parents. We love spending time with kids but we also love sending those same kids home to their parents at some point.

 

My sister is pregnant and my other "sister" just had her second child. I am over the moon in love with all of the kids in my life. I can never get enough of them and hate that I miss so much living 3 hours away. But I would do anything I could for them. There are so many kids to love in my life that I don't feel as though I'm missing anything.

 

I worried for years that my mom would never be okay with this choice (and since I require her "okay" for a lot of things it took her saying she was okay with it before I was really okay with it). But the other part that made me sad was that I knew what amazing grandparents my parents would be.  They were MADE to grandparent. Thank God my sister saw that and is going to make them the happiest people in the world come July.

 

Okay here are the highlights if you're confused by my ramblings:

 

1. "Good for her, not for me." let that be your motto for EVERYTHING
2. I love kids.
3. I will babysit your kid.
4. Stop telling me to have kids.
5. Pray for another snow day tomorrow.

 

 

Ay Babay

I'm an auntie!!! Thank you Jesus for a beautiful healthy baby Gracie. The pictures should be self-explanatory.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Becoming a girl....thanks to Gracie

Last weekend Drew and I traveled home for the occasion of showering my soon-to-arrive niece Gracie with gifts. Her shower was a hit and she is so loved already. Plus she will be the best dressed and have the hippest quilts in town.

Above picture represents her haul. Yeah, she's a lucky gal. Also, side note: notice my grandmother parked in her wheelchair facing the wall at the end of the table. That's where my mother her caregiver parked her and left her. Until, Meghan to the rescue to wheel her around aimlessly while she mumbled about all of Gracie's gifts and how they would never be used. A jolly ol' time.

There's the mama herself, enjoying a cheesecake bite while we cleaned up. I won't mention how she yelled at me about how "descriptively" to write down the gifts. So....I don't have a baby and I might mistake a bottle washing brush as a toilet brush and a box to put baby's things in the dishwasher as a pencil box. I was not qualified for that position. And I didn't care for it at all, which is why I passed it off multiple times.And why I have no pictures of Holly opening a single gift.

 Up there is Gracie's bedding which my aunt made. My very favorite gift (and I suspect it's Gracie's too). Handmade gifts are the best. Unfortunately this was mine:

Not hand-made but still cute nonetheless. And pink which is a big step for me. Only for Gracie, peeps.

 

 

Above you will see my sisters. And below you will find my dearest friends. Maybe Gracie isn't the only lucky gal. 

 

A fun time was had by all (except mamaw) and I can't wait to see Gracie's reaction. Just kidding I'm sure her reaction will be sleeping and crying so I'll settle for her mommy's reaction .I'm so excited for her to arrive I may just squeal. Something else I don't usually do. Gracie, you are turning me into a girl!

 

Also this happened while I was home this weekend:

 



Life as I know it

Well it's been a bit since my last update. I am back in the grind and still trying to grasp the life of a grad student. I am ecstatic about my research. I could cry just thinking about it. Thanks to my amazing advisor and a little of my own doing I feel like we are on the verge of something awesome. I'm not ready to go completely public with it yet but it involves Appalachia so it is so close to my heart. My other grad level course is amazing. It's a class full of women and it is so nice to look forward to Thursday nights to just get to discuss education with all of them. It's great to have so many perspectives. I'm so glad I'm here at Radford. It was definitely the right choice for me. I've met with the App. Studies department and they were the sweetest. I just wanted to sit and talk with them for days. That's the latest with me.

Drew has been a big support system for my research so far. I am so lucky to have someone who gets as excited as I do about research because to be honest I can be a little obnoxious talking about it. He seems to be enjoying his work and is definitely looking forward to hunting season and oddly so am I. I am sooo ready to have deer meat in the freezer and deer jerky in my mouth! Yum!

Ike has been good, except for his mother trying to unknowingly kill him by giving him treats from China. Thank goodness that freak out has passed. However, he was a little puny last night so I'm hoping that was just a little bug.

Ike and I are gearing up for a trip to Pound in a few weeks when Drew heads to PA to hunt. I'm so excited to go home, it has been a little while. Plus, now I have a new face to visit because my dear friend Kristen gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last week. I was so blessed to be able to go see him when he was born but oh goodness I'm excited to kiss his little cheeks off soon. Things with my friends lives are all changing and moving and it's so exciting to watch! Two of my other friends are expecting, one just bought a new house, and my bestie is considering grad school in NYC. Exciting stuff! Oh and I can't forget my dear friend (who I will not name) is about to find her soul mate. I'm a little bit psychic and I just feel it in my bones. And if she doesn't on her own then I will find him for her via Christian Mingle. hehe

Other changes happening in life don't seem quite as fun. My friend Rachel and I were talking the other day about how certain good things in our lives will never be as they once were. It's hard to be away from loved ones, especially when circumstances aren't great. And even being away from friends poses problems for fear of growing apart. I just have to appreciate what God has for me right now and that is here in Blacksburg/Radford. But I refuse to allow that to harm relationships that are distanced.

Okay, enough rambling. My momma is coming to stay with me for a few days next week while Drew heads out of town for work. I've become a bit of a chicken living in our house out in the country. I was fine when Drew would leave me at the apartment because we had on Offensive Lineman as a neighbor. However, I no longer have that buffer. So, my mom is going to come protect me from the boogy man.

Here is sweet Jackson I get a picture of him every couple of days. I'm wondering if I should send Kristen a picture of me to show to Jackson every few days so he will know me too. Too much?? Yeah, I thought so.