Holiday Hurts

"There are a thousand ways you can suffer brave.

An no one knows.

No one knows that like Habakkuk, your heart quakes a bit inside. At how headlines hit too close, how in a blink on an ordinary day, it could be one you love who is bloodied by the senseless violence, busted in a crash, begging prayers for life, getting chemo pumped through the veins. We all lose every single person we love. There is never another way. Think about tat too long and you find it hard to breathe.......

Olives fail. People fail. Dreams fail. You feel like you fail. A thousand things mount. Some days it's hard not to panic. You can feel it- we are driven by fear of failure. For all our frenzied running around, could it be that we are actually fleeing-trying to escape all the fears? All this pain? All this failure?

We all live these lives of quiet terror. Of soundless, hidden grief. You could just bow your head in the quiet and weep for all that isn't. For all that you aren't.

In the barrenness of winter, Habakkuk offers this gift to always carry close: rejoicing in the Lord happens while we still struggle in the now."


-Ann Voskamp, The Greatest Gift

This is my first year doing advent. That is evidenced by the fact that I'm unsure which verb to place in front of advent. Doing? Practicing? Partaking in? Or is advent the verb? I guess it probably is. The waiting and the rejoicing of the arrival.

Selfishly I've had a bit of a rough few weeks but things like test scores and teenagers being insensitive aren't what matters when there are real hurts in real lives.

Loss. Distance. Disappointment. Disapproval. Hatefulness. Depression. Arguing. Needing. Hurting. Injustice.

I love Christmas more than anything but if I focus on the wrong things I can get sad quickly. If I focus on anything other than the true gift and the waiting and watching for the Thrill of Hope I want to wallow in the ugliness of the world. The grandparents who are no longer here to share in the festivities. The fear of who may not be with us next Christmas. The marking of time. Another year, gone.

 Usually I make it through Christmas and to New Year's Eve before becoming incredibly sad and down. I truly hate New Years. Always.

Advent has brought me so much peace in the midst of a lot of ugliness in the world this holiday season. Between stress personally, and the worrying about the truly difficult situations of loss and lonesomeness of close friends and family I must remind myself to cling to Emmanuel.

So many people are struggling and the long nights of winter seem to make it harder. But we are reminded in this time of loss, hurting and failure that the King is coming. Yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Rejoice.

Hurts

I was in the middle of typing a blog post with my final semester thoughts about saving public education on Friday when I heard the news. That's when I realized that the "peace education" I'd been reading about and inspired by was much further away then even I realized.

Innocent children. Mothers. Teachers. Friends. Sisters. Brothers. Nieces. Nephews. Friends. Neighbors. Taken from this earth long before their time. I spent early Friday crying and watching the news/reading online. The selfish me wanted to change the channel and forget.

The media uproar and unwillingness to get facts straight before actually reporting them did inspire me to take a break from the news to pray. I could not get the image of police officers holding one another and crying out of my brain.

What must these men have walked in on in an elementary school in Connecticut? What images are haunting them that they hope no one else ever has to witness. They were the first people I prayed for.

The second were, of course, those killed I prayed it happened quickly and painlessly and that Jesus saw fit for them to enter heaven.

Third I prayed for the families who lost babies and who lost parents. The hurt they must live with is nothing my small mind can fathom.

But my fleshly body kept me from praying for the shooter. My heart was hard and I fought back feelings to say I didn't care what happened to him and for a split second thought of joining those who were quickly damning him to hell.

But that isn't Jesus' heart. The hurt this man must have felt and the issues he faced are incomprehensible for him to react in such a dramatic way. So I prayed for him too.

I won't debate guns during this time of mourning but what I will do is pray for change.
I will pray that we can detect instability in the lives of our loved ones and be there for them rather than shun them. I pray that we will be conscious of checking on and caring for those who are facing hurts we will never feel.

I pray that children can feel safe going to school. I pray that Jesus will bring peace that passeth all understanding to the community of Newtown and that they can heal just as the Virginia Tech community did several years ago.

I ask that everyone who is considering defending or blaming guns during this most difficult time please pray instead. Send well wishes for these families and pray that some sense of normalcy can return to their lives.

I also pray that we remember that there is good in our world. Our media is obsessed with covering negativity and that is absolutely a part of this world. But please don't get bogged down in thinking our world is terrible. There are good people who do good things everyday and do not reach the celebrity status of this shooter. Remember these families in your prayers and thoughts this holiday season but also remember good people exist if you take a moment to look for them (p.s. they won't be featured on TV).

 

I'm asking all of my blog readers to look at the names of the victims and select one's family to pray for earnestly throughout this holiday season. Pray that God would give them peace and comfort.