Who says you can't go home?

I desperately want to be one of those bloggers who has always has the right words to say. But I'm not. I come from a place where I say "she done it." Especially when surrounded by others likely to do the same. My sister corrected me as if I didn't know I was wrong. Somehow I just think my grandmother understands me better that way. I'm probably not giving her enough credit.

I spent 5 days back home and just returned yesterday. Home is so good. Things about it hurt me though. It feels like home doesn't always understand who I've become or what I'm about but the important ones do. Or they at least try to understand. I appreciate that. I am different. Always have been. Some ways better than others. I was different in bad ways for a lot of years. I was bitchy, cynical, negative and judgemental. And because that was me, I have to start everyday now making a conscious effort to be positive, tolerant, loving and kind. It comes more naturally. I don't have to work as hard at being nice. Being a pissed off teenager actually took quite a bit of effort.

The good things of home were running into an old friend from high school downtown and chatting about "adult" things like money, mortgages and car payments. Getting to snuggle up to a precious baby boy. Fried chicken at my granny's house. Cousins, young and old. Laughing with girlfriends. Laying in bed with my dog and sister. Seeing my brother growing up. Being asked to pray for someone. Sewing. Robo's. Talking religion and politics with people that don't agree with me and being able to still love one another at the same time. Those are things that make me want to stay in Pound forever.

But I do have a husband and a house here in Blacksburg so I returned. Happy to be in the presence of someone I don't have to explain myself to. Someone who understands me and welcomes my opinion. Someone who when I say I feel like people have accused me of losing my faith can look at me and say "so what if you have." He is honest and fair and I thank God for him. (I also thank God that I returned to a freezer full of deer meat!)

My mom is worried about people's perception of me. She says she understands my heart but others are quick to judge. I understand that. Most people cannot understand how I came to the beliefs I hold now from where I once was. But as I said to my mom, those who care about me will ask. I'm not asking anyone to agree with me. But if you love me you will be able to understand where I'm coming from.

You know how on Eat, Pray, Love Liz is trying to find her word. Well I've found mine. It's: give. I believe that's my calling. Give love. Give help. Give hope. Give Jesus. I hope that I can do that daily. If that's my purpose I will devote my life to it. I ask for prayers as I feel disheartened by some but hopeful because of others.

My election prediction: Jesus never fails. I stole a button from a Christian bookstore that said that when I was 2. I still have it and I still believe it. God's will be done. Amen.

A couple highlights of home:

I was not warned that my picture would be taken at girl's night which is why I look so lovely.

My sweet Shelby girl. She is such a hoot.