On Gardens and Humility

There's an article circulating on Facebook that several women have shared entitled "I'm not a feminist and that's okay." While I wholeheartedly disagree I did not tweet ugly remarks with a definition for feminism. I waited until this morning when I feel slightly less reactionary but you know me and I have to say something.


 In the words of Sarah Bessey in her wonderful book Jesus Feminist:


“Our big and good God is at work in the world, and we have been invited to participate fully-however God has gifted and equipped and called each of us. One needn't identify as a feminist to participate in the redemptive movement of God for women in the world. The gospel is more than enough. Of course it is! But as long as I know how important maternal health is to Haiti's future, and as long as I know that women are being abused and raped, as long as I know girls are being denied life itself through selective abortion, abandonment, and abuse, as long as brave little girls in Afghanistan are being attacked with acid for the crime of going to school, and until being a Christian is synonymous with doing something about these things, you can also call me a feminist.”  


You've already heard me quote this here and brag and brag on her amazing book but I just wanted to give you a little refresher and to elaborate. Within the aforementioned article on not being feminist it states that women and men are equal (which is the very definition of feminism dear people).


The part where it seems to disagree with equality is in regards to marriage. It starts throwing around words and terms like "submissiveness" and "head of household" which are terms you learn in youth and Sunday School in your teens. The same time when you realize that only women's names are on the church list for nursery and the list responsible for fixing breakfast. And that in a few years the only way you can have a female Sunday School teacher is if you attend a different class than your husband. Because you know....women can't teach men. (side note: the best Sunday School teacher I ever had was a woman and I refuse to believe her gifts could not be used to teach men).


Last year, Drew and I plowed our garden in our Chacos. It was a long, difficult day but at the end of it I got on my hands and knees and washed my husband's feet. I did the same thing this year. It is a wonderful way to celebrate holy week and the breaking of ground in our garden which will provide us sustenance this summer. It is a humbling, holy practice that I don't think gets the credit it deserves.


All of this to say, we should all humble ourselves before each other. We don't need to make distinctions regarding who is to be more humble or submissive. We should all approach each other with humility; willing to learn whatever we can from one another.


Let's stop pretending this is not a time when men and women may not have typical household roles and stop forcing them on them in church. I mean what do you require of a gay couple in your church? Which one has to fix the breakfast? (Perhaps that's a moot point in your church in which case you have more reflection to do than I thought).


 And women when you feel overwhelmed by the breakfasts, the household showers, the nursery duty, decorating the church, etc. remember what Jesus says to Martha, I'm improvising a bit here but he said something like "None of that shit really matters, I matter."


The message I'm rambling about here is that feminism truly supports all women. I LOVE to stay home and I'm still trying to figure out a socially acceptable way to stay home without having children. Stay at home dog-mom still gets looks of disgust when I suggest it in public. Feminism is about supporting one another and lifting each other up. Articles like the one published give a false sense of the true meaning of the word which is why when I look at the people who have "liked" the article it's mostly men.


If there's a woman who is suggesting that you cannot be a feminist if you stay home she's not a feminist, she is a bitch and you need to find new friends.


Also, if you are not a follower of Jesus and you say you are not a feminist allow me to give you some words from Amy Poehler in response to those who renounce feminism:


"That's like someone being like, I don't really believe in cars, but I drive one every day and I love that it gets me places and makes life so much easier and faster and I don't know what I would do without it."




Now that I'm done with this post I realize it has nearly nothing to do with gardens and only a little to do with humility but I'm gonna leave it because if I put feminist in the title my readership goes down.

I am kayak, hear me roar

If any of you watch Gilmore Girls obsessively like I do you will recognize this phrase. It is in reference to Lorelai being an independent woman who is not in a canoe requiring someone else to paddle with her, but instead is in a kayak paddling by herself. And that is my desire.

Let me preface (that one's for you Mom) by saying that I love my husband more than life itself. He works his tail off in the hope that one day I won't have to work and can stay home with our children. I am blessed to have such a driven, hard-working, not to mention smokin' hot husband.

However, how naive would it be of me to fully rely on him to provide for me? As women we have to have a back-up plan. Heaven forbid something should happen to Drew or to our marriage but I am a realist and know that things outside of our control happen. Be prepared. Have a career before you have a family, prove to yourself just how valuable you are and that if forced to you could provide for your family. You and you alone without the help of a man.

My mother was a stay-at-home mom who worked. Neat trick huh? She did hair and would  take us with her on days she worked. And I am so blessed to have been able to enjoy my childhood in my own home rather than in a daycare. And I want that for my kids, very much so because you don't get those years back. But once your kid's are in school, then what? Or eventually, once they are out on their own?

It worries me to see women who rely 100% on their husband with absolutely no back-up plan or skill set to fall back on. I don't want to sound like a pessimist but rather a realist. We can make all of the plans for our life that we want but sometimes things fall apart. Shit happens as some would say.

Again I will say there is no more important job than being a mother and unfortunately most mom's do not have the luxury of staying home with their kids. But as a stay-at-home mom/wife don't lose yourself or your ability to think and do for yourself. Do not become helpless.

It is very possible to be an independent married woman and mother who maintains a career (even if it may take hiatus for your children for a few years). This may sound like I'm talking in circles and completely contradictory but let me summarize by saying:

I want to be a mom who is there 100% for my kids but if forced to I want to be able to provide for them 100% as well. Hope I didn't step on too many toes. Wife or mother or neither, be a strong woman: maintain your opinions, maintain your beliefs, and don't let another person define you.


Jesus Never Fails.