Fill in the blank: I feel _______.

New Year's Eve with curlers in my hair at the dining room table, I was crying in my sushi but could not explain to Drew why. All I could muster was "I've always hated New Year's." I think I'm a victim of some sort of blues that Elvis might sing about. If he were here to sing to me I can assure you I would be cured.

Yesterday we took down Christmas decor and today Drew went back to work. And a minor cause of my unsettledness (yep, just made that word up) stems from finding crows at my bird feeders this a.m., the little bastards. I'm settling nicely into my funk, sleeping until late in the day, getting nothing done, eating powdered doughnuts as if they may run away from me.

I love winter, in fact it is my favorite season. But I'm a bit picky about how I like my winter: snowy. I always get frustrated when people go on and one about hating snow and proclaiming (in January) that they're ready for summer. My ugly self wants to say: pack your bags and move 'cause this here is where we celebrate winter please kind sir or madam find a new residence in a warmer climate.

I know part of my winter blues is the anticipation of what bad things may happen this year. The negativity of my previous self still plagues me sometimes. The Connecticut shootings still feel so fresh and I have real anxiety of thinking this year could hold more tragedies like it. I also have anxiety about how much longer I will have loved ones and I guess I view New Year's as some sort of mile marker showcasing just how close we may be to our "final destination" eeek that sounds worse than I meant it to. But time is fleeting.

Drew encourages me to read more fantasy. I am guilty of never reading fiction, I just prefer history or at the very least historical fiction. I partially blame my melancholy on 1984 which I'm currently finding my way through. It is fascinating but goodness is it concerning. I just finished Hold Love Strong which is toats fiction but was still heart-wrenching. i'm the proud owner of a new kindle thanks to deno and i'm sorry it took me so long to join the ranks, it is AMAZING I suppose it wouldn't hurt me to find some sort of escape in my reading rather than seeing just how depressing a world I can dive into each time.

However, as I drink my coffee and watch Gilmore Girls this morning I am determined to look forward to things that I know will happen this year:

• The birth of my niece in April
• A trip to Mississippi to see by gal pal
• Reading through the Bible this year with our church (ashamed to say it will be my first time but excited to do so)
• Finishing up classes for my Master's
• A trip to Arizona, perhaps, to visit Kinsley (oh and her mom and dad too)
• Camping with my family
• and celebrating 2 years of marriage

Quite frankly, I've always been afraid to say things like "bring it on 2013" because 2013 could be a mean mofo' so I won't tempt him but I am looking forward to another year with family and friends.

I hope none of you find yourself in a winter funk but if you do I hope, like me, you're crawling out of it one cup of coffee and chick flick at a time.