Humbled.

Mr. Blue Jay is always the first visitor at my feeders in the mornings. The early bird catches the worm, or sunflower seed as the case may be. He's a little aggressive and uses his size to his advantage. And when pretty Mrs. Cardinal comes in a little while, he'll run her off. (ironically, he's also the most skittish and difficult to get a picture of)

I'm a little like the blue jay when I'm hungry. Not pleasant. I'm ashamed to say I came in at 9:00 from class last night and raised a stink that one of Drew's friends had eaten the last Pizza Hut cheesestick. Not my proudest moment.

Yesterday, by the grace of God I passed my PRAXIS II. I had failed by 2 points in December and was under a bit of a time crunch in order to be accepted into my program at school in time. But God provided. Drew said he knew that He would but I doubted him. Perhaps, tempted him even.

You see, I didn't really study this time. I was bitter after studying my butt off last time and failing. I would sit down to study and get completely overwhelmed and watch 4 episodes of Friends back to back instead. But on Monday morning (the day before my test mind you) I sat at my kitchen counter watching mean ol' mr. blue jay and cried out to God. I needed him and I knew I could not do it without His help.

And he heard my cry. Humbled by my failure, I had to have his help. God was there as I answered questions about Portugal, GDP, and John Locke. (believe it or not all of those fall under Social Studies). And I passed with 10 points to spare. That wasn't me. I don't even know where Portugal really is if I'm honest. (don't you want me teaching your kids??)

I just wanted to let you know that God provides, but you all probably knew that already. I'm the one who doubted.

Checking my pride at the door

This is not a fun post. This is a post admitting that I screwed up. Drew screwed up. We screwed up. But God's grace is sufficient.


Somewhere along the way our budget failed us. Drew has been paid 3 times since starting his full time job. As a result of getting paid only once a month, we have struggled to budget properly. We're still figuring it all out. It didn't help that I cleaned out our cabinets on Saturday morning to take to a man on the corner at the grocery store holding a sign stating he had no food.

Drew and I were stressing a little about the next 2 weeks until he gets paid again. We were not going to starve but things were going to be tight. Tighter than they have ever been in our marriage. Or frankly, in either of our lives. Ever. We are blessed to say that.

Sunday's service was written for Drew and I. We would be spending the next 2 weeks in parenthesis, listen to it and you'll understand. (here is the podcast)


On Sunday night, two of our dear friends from church showed up at our back door with arms full of groceries. Enough groceries to last us for a month or longer. God is so good.

I am not writing this to receive sympathy or donations. We want neither. I am writing because I refuse to allow my pride to hide the goodness of God's grace. So often, as Christians, we become concerned with how it will look if we let others know we are struggling. I am over that. We were struggling and God provided. That is a much better testimony than trying to maintain that Drew and I have no problems whatsoever.

Some people may sit back and say "how embarrassing, you are making more money that you've ever made." That is true, we are. And guess what, mo' money mo' problems. Thank goodness God understands this. We have adjusted our budget MAJORLY and will be attempting to repay our friends for a long time. Thank God for friends who when you thank them repeatedly say "We are simply letting God work through us."

The moral of the story is, everyone struggles and by letting others see how God has helped you does not make you less of a person it makes others aware of how big our God is.

Jesus never fails.