Church Going

Drew and I have been in our new place for 2 months and I'm not proud to say we have visited exactly one church, one time since we've been here. I could give you the excuse that we were travelling which we totally were or that we haven't found a church with small groups which we really want, or that we are unsure which denomination we fall in anymore. But even though each of those are true it runs deeper for me.

I'm scared. We've been a part of 2 churches since we've been married and prior to that we had each been raised in one church (not the same one) our whole lives.

There is always, seemingly, a honeymoon phase when you start going to a church.The phase where you love the people, the message, the music, the mission, the love, the outreach. So you get more involved. Then the more involved you get the more you are reminded that churches are run by people. And people are flawed.

You still love the people and the message but gossip creeps in. People start to gripe about who does what, who doesn't, what's most important, and then there's the ever-existing "in crowd" at your church.  Policy gets put before people and mission. The church feels like they have to take a hard, strong stance on tough issues, a stance you aren't comfortable signing your name to.

I guess the honest truth is that I'm afraid of falling into that again. It seems like it shouldn't be this way. Church shouldn't be a place where you so easily fall into gossip and pessimism. And it shouldn't separate you out by limiting your role because of your gender, sexuality, or previous church affiliations and practices.

I'm not yet one of the "unchurched" and I plan to keep looking but I may be a bit picky this time.

It's not about me. I know that. I realize I probably sound selfish, impossible to please, and like I'm totally missing the point of church. But I promise I'm not. I want a church that exalts Jesus, seeks justice, accepts everyone, will allow me a voice, and seeks to share the good news of the gospel. I know it exists. Now I just have to find it.

Is "blood is thicker than water" gospel??

Confession: Sometimes I don't pay attention in church and I have my own little mini-sermon quietly in my seat where I research different topics in my Bible. This is the result of yesterday's sermon which occurred in my lap:

Families are a powerful force in the church. "Honor thy father and mother," isn't really something that we have the option of since it is, after all, a commandment. But what Jesus says about families might surprise you, it surprised me after what I'd been raised to believe.

While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, "Your mother and brothers are standing outside wanting to speak to you." He replied to him, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." Matthew 13:46-50

When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." But Jesus told him, "Follow me and let the dead bury their own dead." Matthew 8:18-22

In my bible the previous passage is titled "The Cost of Following Jesus" and it rings true. There is a cost of following Jesus but just think of what joy you will have by making your family grow and having them all together in Jesus' kingdom one day.

I'm asked frequently if I'll be moving back home to be nearer my parents once I'm done with school, but if I'm following Jesus' calling that should not be my priority. I should be following Jesus' lead which means I will have no home and my family changes according to where I live.

I think this is a harsh truth that many Christians choose not to acknowledge because it gets in the way of their "creature comforts" of being near family. A common theme in the church is how important family is. But is it more important than following Jesus? Doesn't being away from those comforts force us to rely more on God?

 

"Christianity is best when it is humble."

"So the litmus test of whether or not something is Christian is the question, Does it look more and more like Jesus? There are some folks who would say they are Christian but they are looking less and less like Jesus. And there are some folks who would never claim to be Christian, yet their hearts and their passions are slowly moving closer and closer to Jesus' heart. It's up to God to sort all that out. Being more like Jesus is what we are trying to do as Red Letter Christians; it's where we're coming from, and where we're going."

Sometimes I worry. I worry that I've gone too far beyond what anyone I grew up with would consider "okay." My beliefs about Jesus are simply not what they used to be. They've come so far that I worry that I've gotten way off track. That because I know almost no one who feels the way I do about most things that I must be wrong. And even sometimes that I need to get back to my fundamentalist roots.

But that's the thing, once you see Jesus the way I see him, there's no going back. I hold the book Red Letter Revolution and I cry over it. Every time. Thanking God that he showed me I'm not alone. That there are people who believe that Jesus meant exactly what he said and they are living it every day. Unafraid.

People who believe that the church has lost sight of what it's call is but that it isn't beyond saving. People who are not just waiting on Jesus' return but are actively living like him until he comes back.
People who believe in community. People who are concerned about the American flag sitting at the fronts of our churches. People who aren't afraid to have dialogue on topics like: immigration, Islam, women in ministry, war, civil disobedience, environmentalism, the Saints, Israel and homosexuality.

It's nice to find that I'm not alone in my beliefs but more importantly it's nice to know that many of my convictions line up with Jesus' teachings in ways I had never even thought of.

 I challenge those of you who have never missed a Sunday to pick up this book and walk away unchanged. But I also encourage those of you who can't recall the last time you went to church to let the red letters determine your interpretation of Jesus rather than what churches say. The Bible is the best place to start but if you need a little guidance, this book will help.

Order Red Letter Revolution here.

And if I'd really listened to Jesus' words all along I shouldn't have been worried.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6: 34

7

"At some point, the church stopped living the Bible and decided just to study it, culling the feast parts and whitewashing the fast parts. We are addicted to the buffet, skillfully discarding the costly discipleship required after consuming. The feast is supposed to sustain the fast, but we go back for seconds and thirds and fourths, stuffed to the brim with fat and inactivity. All this for me. My goodness, my blessings, my privileges, my happiness, my success. Just one more plate."

 

So I just finished this book. And I'm not going to give away any spoilers because I fully expect ALL of my readers to read it. It will change the way you approach your lifestyle if you let it.

I've had this nagging feeling for a while that this lifestyle I've created for myself is not how Jesus called us to live. And when it feels like I'm surrounded by "consumers" it's nice to know I'm not alone in wanting less to make more room/time for Jesus and what he has called us to do.

Brief overview:

For 7 months Jen Hatmaker chooses 7 different areas to reduce excess in her/her family's life. Clothes. Shopping. Waste. Food. Possessions. Media. Stress. If you're looking to feel inspired by that nagging feeling I suspect many of you have that the church has this whole "life on earth" thing all wrong please pour yourself into this book. Let it change you because it certainly has changed me.

Some of my favorite quotes:

"May we embrace unity over infighting, bravery over comfort, us over me, people over principles, and God's glory over our own."

"This nagging tension that things aren't right, that life is more than blessing extremely blessed people...that's all true."

"I'm done separating ecology form theology, pretending they don't originate from the same source."

"I marvel at how out of place simple, humble Jesus would be in today's American churches."

"Jesus gets a fresh platform in the empty space where indulgence resided."

Oh and P.S. she's also hilarious.

Opening My Eyes

On our way camping last weekend we made a pit stop for dinner at Sheetz. We ate at a table outside with Ike under the table begging for french fries. She sat at the next table. Smoking her cigarette and fighting back tears. I wanted to offer to buy her dinner but I was afraid of insulting her (I'm full of excuses like that).

Finally, she spoke. She said Ike was cute and asked what kind of dog he was. That was all I needed, the door opened. We talked about our beautiful state, visiting relatives at the cemetery and our pets.

We were almost finished eating and I didn't want to leave. I asked her if she'd had dinner. She responded no and I took her inside where she asked me if she could get the bigger sandwich. I wished at that moment I could buy her a lifetime supply of the "bigger sandwich." I couldn't leave until I was sure she was squared away for the next several meals.

She cried like a child when we left, she told me not to work too hard when I started teaching and that she had had a nervous breakdown years ago while working multiple jobs. And just like that.....

I insisted on not stopping anywhere to eat except Sheetz, we held out 2 hours to stop for that reason. When we left there I told Drew that I had a feeling that something like that would happen. I'm glad I didn't listen to him when he wanted to stop sooner or listen to the voice of reason that said, drive on and you can eat when you get where you're going.

This, my friends, is how I know God is real. As soon as she sat down across from us I was reminded of my calling. But I was still scared. If she hadn't spoken first would I have done anything except give a friendly smile?

How many times have I ignored that still small voice and not been obedient or aware. All it takes is opening my eyes. When I am conscious in driving around town, eating out, grocery shopping, etc. I see so many opportunities to be Jesus to someone but sometimes I'm distracted. Sometimes I'm tired. And frankly, sometimes I'm selfish.

Jesus help me remember why I'm here.

Most Importantly

My pastor tweeted earlier this week "It's an excellent strategy of the enemy to divide his foes the week they should be focused on Resurrection." #truth (I added the hashtag)

We all seem to have gotten a bit hung up on other matters this week which I won't discuss here and have forgotten to walk this week with Christ.

I don't mean like your "daily walk with God." I mean walking through and remembering this week in Jesus' life 2000 years ago. Have you been sorrowful with him in the garden as the fulfillment of prophecy is looming?

I've been reading about Jesus' week all morning and it's given me time to reflect, pray, praise and be sorrowful. Today is the day of the Last Supper. I hope before you color your eggs that you consider taking communion, or washing the feet of your family. Or that you will read Scripture of each day in Jesus' week, watch the sunrise on Sunday or even watch The Passion of The Christ.

Those are all my suggestions but you may have your own traditions. I just hope you find some serious time before the eggs and bunnies that you let it sink in and recognize it. Because this should be the most important week in a Christian's life. Without this week we would be damned.

Let's have the last supper tonight with Him, mourn tomorrow as He suffers and rejoice on Sunday when He rises.

 

 

The Cave of Christianity

I don't know how many of you are familiar with Plato's Allegory of the Cave but you can find it here.

We talked about it today a bit in my Poli-Sci class and while Plato wrote it on the acquisition of knowledge or wisdom I can more easily relate it to Christianity. In a nutshell he tells of people who have been chained in a dark cave their whole lives. On a ledge above they see shadows all day long of people passing. But because this is all they've ever known they do not know them to be shadows but believe them to be all there is; until one person ventured out to find that shadows were just a reflection of an actual person. The person is the reality, not the shadow. But when the man who discovered this proclaimed to the others what was real, he was not met well.

I was relating it to how Christians I have perceived truth. If I'm only aware of/exposed to/open to one idea of what Christianity means then that makes me ignorant just as the people in the cave. In the past, I have been content to sit and watch the shadows and call them Jesus not knowing or not wanting to know that Jesus is so much greater than a shadow.

I don't know if I'm making any sense but I think the lesson here is to seek Him out for yourself and not rely on others for truth. And at the same time be mindful of the fact that there are people who will read the same Bible as you and not receive the same message, and that is okay. As my mom often tells me "you can't be someone's Holy Spirit."

In reading through the Bible this year with our church I have realized how unlikely it is that any of us have all the right answers. The chances of me being absolutely right in all regards is slim. But I'm choosing not to remain ignorant but to inform myself through Bible study, small group discussions and learning others' beliefs. I'm venturing out of the cave. I have my beliefs and convictions but I don't pretend to have it all figured out. Goodness knows I have more questions than I do answers.

"This entire allegory, I said, you may now append, dear Glaucon, to the previous argument; the prison-house is the world of sight, the light of the fire is the sun, and you will not misapprehend me if you interpret the journey upwards to be the ascent of the soul into the intellectual world according to my poor belief, which, at your desire, I have expressed whether rightly or wrongly God knows. But, whether true or false, my opinion is that in the world of knowledge the idea of good appears last of all, and is seen only with an effort; and, when seen, is also inferred to be the universal author of all things beautiful and right, parent of light and of the lord of light in this visible world, and the immediate source of reason and truth in the intellectual; and that this is the power upon which he who would act rationally, either in public or private life must have his eye fixed."

 

Freely you have received, freely give

"I don't even know the last time I had a waffle." It was like a knife straight through my heart. The heart of a woman who fixes waffles for her little family (including her pooch) every Saturday morning.

When I asked one of them what they usually ate for breakfast he said "nothin'." I want to find them wherever they are this morning and fix them more warm waffles because that's all I know to do.

I don't know how to find them a job, to set them back up on their feet again so they can have a place to call their own. I don't have the ability to un-do whatever has happened to put them in this vulnerable situation.

They gave us marriage advice, told big tales, played cards, smoked, drank countless pots of coffee, and complained about the snorers in the group. Now a week later, after only one evening/night spent with them I wake up wondering if they're warm this morning. If someone maybe made them even a warm pop-tart. I wake up wishing for spring, because their lives will be simpler then. At least I hope so.

They impressed their faces upon my heart and I think of them often. But they've probably forgotten me. The lady whose husband hadn't bought her a Valentine's present which they all scolded him for. The lady who none of them could believe would stay all night with them. The lady who fixed them waffles. Maybe they don't remember me but hopefully they remember the waffles. Jesus was in those waffles. And I hope he stays with them, keeping them warm in this bitter cold today.

Election Reflection

Monday night in small group we talked about some of the world's perceptions of Christians. Words like: cult, ignorant, judgemental, holier than thou, unwilling to listen, unwilling to befriend non-Christians were thrown around. The next question was: Is there truth to these perceptions? And an overwhelming yes came from all of us. One of our fellow small groupies said "We are called to be set apart and we are. But not for the things we should be. It would be one thing if we were set apart because we were known for being kind, loving, and giving. But that's not how we're known."

I didn't realize it on Monday night but Tuesday would prove to be poster day for all of those negative things we listed. I saw them on my newsfeed one after another. A facebook friend of mine even stated that statements like those made on social networks is why she stays away from organized religion. And who can blame her?

For one thing, it seems people need the welfare system explained to them. And for another, tough shit if people take advantage of it. Should we do away with the whole system because a small percentage may work the system a little? Let me ask you a question, have you never taken advantage of a situation you've found yourself in? It's not an excuse but it points the finger back at you which is the only place your finger should EVER point.
 The welfare system and unemployment are in place to help those in need. And frankly it has to be because the "church" isn't doing it's job of reaching out. Everyone wants to cry "socialism" but without taking it to that extreme why are people so afraid to GIVE?

As a Christian I believe that what I have isn't mine to begin with. It belongs to God. And what would God want me to do with my money? Hoard it all up and keep it from those in need because I'm paranoid that someone might not need it as much as I think they should?

As Christians how do we look when we post things like "I work every day so that those on the draw can have an iphone, a new car and fake nails." (I've seen that from PLENTY of "Christians"). Is that how we win those people to Christ? Judging them when we have no idea what their life is like? Judging them based on their looks or the car they drive or because they're unable to find work.

If all of the scare tactics about coal actually come to fruition some people may find themselves in the position to have to be on welfare or receive unemployment. The harsh reality is that most of us are only a layoff and a couple of overdue bills away from needing help. And how would we feel if people judged us.

As Christians we are called to live like Christ but I'm not sure most "Christians" know who that is. I know I haven't always known. I posted a quote from Jon Cusack a while back on pinterest. When asked who his hero is: "Let's go with Jesus. Not the gay-hating, war-making, political tool of the Right, but the outcast, subversive, supreme adept who preferred the freaks and lepers and despised and doomed the rich and powerful." We have turned Jesus into just that, our political tool.
In response to those bracelets everyone used to have what would Jesus do? I don't claim to know everything he would do but I do know he would love. Because that's what he does. And Jesus probably wouldn't ask questions when people said they needed help. He wouldn't be skeptical or try to judge them by the kind of phone they had or if they smoked a cigarette. He would probably just help. 

I believe Christians can be a part of any political party and have a wide range of convictions. I also understand that Christians come in all shapes and sizes and with different interpretations of the Bible. But I also hope as Christians we are all trying to strive to be like Christ and not like what we think "Christians" are because to be frank I'm not too crazy about what that looks like these days.

Who says you can't go home?

I desperately want to be one of those bloggers who has always has the right words to say. But I'm not. I come from a place where I say "she done it." Especially when surrounded by others likely to do the same. My sister corrected me as if I didn't know I was wrong. Somehow I just think my grandmother understands me better that way. I'm probably not giving her enough credit.

I spent 5 days back home and just returned yesterday. Home is so good. Things about it hurt me though. It feels like home doesn't always understand who I've become or what I'm about but the important ones do. Or they at least try to understand. I appreciate that. I am different. Always have been. Some ways better than others. I was different in bad ways for a lot of years. I was bitchy, cynical, negative and judgemental. And because that was me, I have to start everyday now making a conscious effort to be positive, tolerant, loving and kind. It comes more naturally. I don't have to work as hard at being nice. Being a pissed off teenager actually took quite a bit of effort.

The good things of home were running into an old friend from high school downtown and chatting about "adult" things like money, mortgages and car payments. Getting to snuggle up to a precious baby boy. Fried chicken at my granny's house. Cousins, young and old. Laughing with girlfriends. Laying in bed with my dog and sister. Seeing my brother growing up. Being asked to pray for someone. Sewing. Robo's. Talking religion and politics with people that don't agree with me and being able to still love one another at the same time. Those are things that make me want to stay in Pound forever.

But I do have a husband and a house here in Blacksburg so I returned. Happy to be in the presence of someone I don't have to explain myself to. Someone who understands me and welcomes my opinion. Someone who when I say I feel like people have accused me of losing my faith can look at me and say "so what if you have." He is honest and fair and I thank God for him. (I also thank God that I returned to a freezer full of deer meat!)

My mom is worried about people's perception of me. She says she understands my heart but others are quick to judge. I understand that. Most people cannot understand how I came to the beliefs I hold now from where I once was. But as I said to my mom, those who care about me will ask. I'm not asking anyone to agree with me. But if you love me you will be able to understand where I'm coming from.

You know how on Eat, Pray, Love Liz is trying to find her word. Well I've found mine. It's: give. I believe that's my calling. Give love. Give help. Give hope. Give Jesus. I hope that I can do that daily. If that's my purpose I will devote my life to it. I ask for prayers as I feel disheartened by some but hopeful because of others.

My election prediction: Jesus never fails. I stole a button from a Christian bookstore that said that when I was 2. I still have it and I still believe it. God's will be done. Amen.

A couple highlights of home:

I was not warned that my picture would be taken at girl's night which is why I look so lovely.

My sweet Shelby girl. She is such a hoot. 

Joy vs. Happiness

Last Sunday our pastor said something that I sort of already knew but wasn't willing to admit to myself. "Jesus is not concerned with our happiness." Ouch. That kinda hurts for a second. And furthermore "Association with Jesus Christ does not give you personal happiness."

He pointed out that Jesus was not one of those political minds offering us "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." But rather what he offers is the pursuit of holiness. It seems to me an important distinction needs to be made between happiness and joyfulness.

You know the saying, Ole Abe used "Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be." I suppose that's why he's known as honest Abe, he knew what he was talking about. You determine your happiness. To me it's kinda like when I was at home, I was never allowed to be "bored." In my mother's world that word does not exist and I have carried that with me. Being "bored" is a mindset just as being "happy" is. Make adjustments accordingly to not be "bored" (if there is such a thing). And in the same way make whatever adjustments you deem necessary in order to be "happy." But let me warn you happiness lasts only for a season, joy is forever.

Now for the good part JOY (I prefer that word in all caps). "Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of may kinds." James 1:2 Now I know initially that passage doesn't sound particularly "joyful" but that sums up the difference in happiness and joy. When you're facing trials you can decide to be unhappy. But joyfulness is a way of life, not an emotion or a decision.

For the most part JOY is a word we throw around a lot at Christmas, must be the Christmas carols. On that note, there seems to be a lot of emphasis in the bible to "sing for joy" (even rivers and mountains are singing of it in Psalms). But I digress. That has absolutely nothing to do with the point I'm failing attempting to make.

Joy does not change or falter according to your circumstances like happiness does. Joy is a state of living and being and although we may not feel "happy" when we face trials we can still be joyful in the face of adversity. Because joy comes from only one place: "May the God of hope fill you with all joyand peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Rom. 15:13 Whereas "happiness" can come from something as small as watching Peyton Manning play football. Joy is so much bigger than that. (but I mean come on it has to make you happy to see that Peyton's still got it).

This distinction has changed my way of thinking and I hope it will for you too. I'm in control of my happiness but more importantly than that God has granted me joy. And here's hoping Peyton Manning allows my season of happiness to carry on after tonight.

 

P.P.S. I will be singing "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart." for the rest of the day. And in case you want to do the same and have nightmares, watch this: