On Gardens and Humility

There's an article circulating on Facebook that several women have shared entitled "I'm not a feminist and that's okay." While I wholeheartedly disagree I did not tweet ugly remarks with a definition for feminism. I waited until this morning when I feel slightly less reactionary but you know me and I have to say something.


 In the words of Sarah Bessey in her wonderful book Jesus Feminist:


“Our big and good God is at work in the world, and we have been invited to participate fully-however God has gifted and equipped and called each of us. One needn't identify as a feminist to participate in the redemptive movement of God for women in the world. The gospel is more than enough. Of course it is! But as long as I know how important maternal health is to Haiti's future, and as long as I know that women are being abused and raped, as long as I know girls are being denied life itself through selective abortion, abandonment, and abuse, as long as brave little girls in Afghanistan are being attacked with acid for the crime of going to school, and until being a Christian is synonymous with doing something about these things, you can also call me a feminist.”  


You've already heard me quote this here and brag and brag on her amazing book but I just wanted to give you a little refresher and to elaborate. Within the aforementioned article on not being feminist it states that women and men are equal (which is the very definition of feminism dear people).


The part where it seems to disagree with equality is in regards to marriage. It starts throwing around words and terms like "submissiveness" and "head of household" which are terms you learn in youth and Sunday School in your teens. The same time when you realize that only women's names are on the church list for nursery and the list responsible for fixing breakfast. And that in a few years the only way you can have a female Sunday School teacher is if you attend a different class than your husband. Because you know....women can't teach men. (side note: the best Sunday School teacher I ever had was a woman and I refuse to believe her gifts could not be used to teach men).


Last year, Drew and I plowed our garden in our Chacos. It was a long, difficult day but at the end of it I got on my hands and knees and washed my husband's feet. I did the same thing this year. It is a wonderful way to celebrate holy week and the breaking of ground in our garden which will provide us sustenance this summer. It is a humbling, holy practice that I don't think gets the credit it deserves.


All of this to say, we should all humble ourselves before each other. We don't need to make distinctions regarding who is to be more humble or submissive. We should all approach each other with humility; willing to learn whatever we can from one another.


Let's stop pretending this is not a time when men and women may not have typical household roles and stop forcing them on them in church. I mean what do you require of a gay couple in your church? Which one has to fix the breakfast? (Perhaps that's a moot point in your church in which case you have more reflection to do than I thought).


 And women when you feel overwhelmed by the breakfasts, the household showers, the nursery duty, decorating the church, etc. remember what Jesus says to Martha, I'm improvising a bit here but he said something like "None of that shit really matters, I matter."


The message I'm rambling about here is that feminism truly supports all women. I LOVE to stay home and I'm still trying to figure out a socially acceptable way to stay home without having children. Stay at home dog-mom still gets looks of disgust when I suggest it in public. Feminism is about supporting one another and lifting each other up. Articles like the one published give a false sense of the true meaning of the word which is why when I look at the people who have "liked" the article it's mostly men.


If there's a woman who is suggesting that you cannot be a feminist if you stay home she's not a feminist, she is a bitch and you need to find new friends.


Also, if you are not a follower of Jesus and you say you are not a feminist allow me to give you some words from Amy Poehler in response to those who renounce feminism:


"That's like someone being like, I don't really believe in cars, but I drive one every day and I love that it gets me places and makes life so much easier and faster and I don't know what I would do without it."




Now that I'm done with this post I realize it has nearly nothing to do with gardens and only a little to do with humility but I'm gonna leave it because if I put feminist in the title my readership goes down.

Church Going

Drew and I have been in our new place for 2 months and I'm not proud to say we have visited exactly one church, one time since we've been here. I could give you the excuse that we were travelling which we totally were or that we haven't found a church with small groups which we really want, or that we are unsure which denomination we fall in anymore. But even though each of those are true it runs deeper for me.

I'm scared. We've been a part of 2 churches since we've been married and prior to that we had each been raised in one church (not the same one) our whole lives.

There is always, seemingly, a honeymoon phase when you start going to a church.The phase where you love the people, the message, the music, the mission, the love, the outreach. So you get more involved. Then the more involved you get the more you are reminded that churches are run by people. And people are flawed.

You still love the people and the message but gossip creeps in. People start to gripe about who does what, who doesn't, what's most important, and then there's the ever-existing "in crowd" at your church.  Policy gets put before people and mission. The church feels like they have to take a hard, strong stance on tough issues, a stance you aren't comfortable signing your name to.

I guess the honest truth is that I'm afraid of falling into that again. It seems like it shouldn't be this way. Church shouldn't be a place where you so easily fall into gossip and pessimism. And it shouldn't separate you out by limiting your role because of your gender, sexuality, or previous church affiliations and practices.

I'm not yet one of the "unchurched" and I plan to keep looking but I may be a bit picky this time.

It's not about me. I know that. I realize I probably sound selfish, impossible to please, and like I'm totally missing the point of church. But I promise I'm not. I want a church that exalts Jesus, seeks justice, accepts everyone, will allow me a voice, and seeks to share the good news of the gospel. I know it exists. Now I just have to find it.

What happens next?

We are under a winter storm warning. We've been getting freezing rain and ice on and off since about 4:00 a.m. today and it will continue until late tomorrow morning. We visited our first church in Roanoke this morning in the snow. We walked arm in arm 2 streets over. The people in attendance were few and mostly elderly but the service was wonderful.

When we walked outside of the church a woman was passing by. Carrying her belongings in 3 garbage bags and one piece of rolling luggage. She was bundled for the weather but was having trouble hauling all of her things.

We took her down the street for lunch, she left all of her things outside and assured us no one would bother them. She talked about her life and her friends. She was heading to a gas station where a friend works, he would let her stay inside and drink coffee today  until she could return to her friend's house tonight. She drank several cups of coffee and was very curious to know why we didn't have any children.

She shares a name with my favorite aunt and I won't forget her. We replaced her garbage bags with more reliable/weather worthy bags and sent her on her way.

We walked 2 streets over to our loft, promptly turned on our gas logs, Christmas tree and a football game and it felt wrong. Why did we get to come home to so many luxuries while she was going to spend her day drinking gas station coffee until dark and then drag her bags back to the other end of town.

Should I have done more? What does she need long term? Will I see her again? How can we possibly help every homeless person we meet in Roanoke? What happens next? In the two blocks we walked to church today we came in contact with two people without shelter during this storm.

I'm so grateful that Jesus placed us here but I'm still lost as to what it is we are supposed to do. I feel inadequate and ill-prepared for this undertaking but I know I'm here for a reason. Prayers are appreciated as we attempt to get plugged in to the unique needs of our community here.

Source

Where is there a safe place?

As I sit here unable to breath through my nose with a randomly swollen right eye that won't fully open I'm thinking deep. Deep and a little fuzzy from a Nyquil hangover.

I just read this post over at my very very favorite blog; Flower Patch Farmgirl. It's an old post but I just stumbled upon it today and it made me think of some recent conversations. One with a friend and one with a sister.

Where is the place you feel comfortable sharing your struggles and asking for prayers and good thoughts? The place you know you can do that without judgement or fear of gossip? Is it a church? A small group? Your family?

I think I am more honest than most about struggles I've had or that Drew and I have had but even I find myself not blogging about things that we have faced and God brought us through for fear that it will spark some sort of discussion among people about our wrongdoings. I fear that rather than celebrating with us and being thankful, judgement will be passed and inevitably our faith/marriage/sanity questioned.

I worry that certain addictions/struggles/issues are often kept under wraps in the church for fear of judgement. I understand there is a fine line between asking for prayers and airing dirty laundry but there should be a place, a people or at the very least a person to go to with heavy hearts.

Where that person/people will talk to God about it rather than others. Our biggest misconception as Christians, in my opinion, is that we must struggle alone. Especially about certain hang-ups. I think most of us agree we're willing to ask for prayers for medical issues or for searching for a job.

But what about the Christian struggling with an eating disorder? Alcoholism? Depression? How do we, as Christians view those particular struggles? Am I the kind of person someone would feel comfortable asking to pray for them or support them or would they fear I would use such information to gossip or simply use it to feel a bit better about myself because I don't struggle with that particular issue?

This post is for me probably more than anyone. But I want to be that person and I'm trying to be. It takes a lot of re-working of my brain. I loved what flower patch farmgirl said about 'when the dirt flies in the middle, people get uncomfortable. no one knows how to deal.'

Sometimes dirt flies in the middle of our Christian walk. We aren't always the result of some great conversion story, never to be tempted again. Dirt flies forever. As long as we are on this earth.

But, I vow to try and be a safe place.